There Was Probably Booze Involved

I can't decide if I want to post this here, or over on my "Busy Mom" Blog.  Perhaps I'll just post this in both places and call it a day.

I've always been one for making crafts and finding ways to keep myself busy.  I've never really been big into television and movies. I've always heard that left handed people are more crafty and I am DEFINITELY a left handed person.  As it turns out, my best friend is ALSO a leftie and she's rather crafty herself.  I've learned a lot from her and could never repay for her the knowledge she's given me.  Seriously, I love that woman and she can be the man around my house whenever she wants to be.

So as you know by now, I did Amazon product reviews for a while.  I guess I still sort of do, just NOT on the Amazon platform.  I had a tub of Shea butter and asked her "What can we do with this?  I know it goes into a lot of health and beauty products, but I really don't know what to do with it, and I have to review it like NOW."

With that, she suggested I bring my Shea Butter over and we could work on some lip balms. -Cool.  I'd love to know how to make my own lip balms.  So off to her house I went.

Of course we broke open a bottle or two... or maybe even three?.... of wine.  We had a few glasses and THEN decided that we were going to make lip balms.... and beard oils, for both Men and Women.  There's no way this could end up tragic, right?  Wine and beauty products sounds like a perfect mix to me.

So start with the lip balms.  She looks at me and is like... "Well, I thought I had bees wax, but all  really have is this clump of bees wax that still has bee parts in it.  I guess we can melt it down and strain it out."  So that's what we did.  Next up, we add the Shea butter.  Well, the Shea butter was about as solid as the bees wax.. but whatever.  So next up we add our carrier oils and decide that PEPPERMINT is the flavor of choice... at that moment, one of use decided "Can't we just make it Mint Chocolate?".  So we throw in some cocoa powder.

At this point, we are both giggly drunk. Everything needs a name, so we start throwing out ideas.  I know that "CHAPSTICK" is a name brand and that "LIP BALM" is the generic term for well... Lip Balms, but I was drunk.  So I kept calling it "LIP CRAP".  It's just "LIP CRAP.  It's brown.  It goes on your lips.  It's crap in a tin. It's lip crap." So our homemade lip balm became "LIP CRAP".  From there, we go to the label maker and create a cute little label with a guy sitting on the toilet. It was only appropriate.  We come up with our ingredient lists and VIOLA!  We are officially done with Lip Crap.  However, we totally spelled a word wrong on the label, but we didn't realize it until a few days later.

So next up is the beard oil.

Let's cash in on the Hipster world, because all "MEN" who aren't men at all, feel like they need a Hipster beard.  See, back in the day, beards were a sexy thing.  Back when men were men.  But today's men... Don't even get me started.  It's like they just want those beards so they can give off the persona of being a real man.  -Almost like Pinocchio wanting to be a real boy.- So the grow the beards.  Ugh.  Disgusting.

So we get to work on the beard oils.  We throw together a blend that's outdoorsy but a little out there.  And we call it "Hitchhiker".  I'm honestly not sure where we came up with that idea, but it works.  And out of nowhere, Kirm says "I feel like we need a female version... you know, for the Lady Beards.  We can call it Beave Oil".  So of course... we HAVE to make a version of beard oils for the... lady beards.

 I tell her that Peppermint, Lemon, and Lavender is a nice scent and it's also good as a decongestant.  We can blend up some of that and call it "SNOT TWAT".  You know, because while your partner is down there, they can breathe clearly.  Yeah, it's so wrong on a million levels.

The whole time, we are seriously giggling like little girls.  The bad part about the whole thing is that while we are making these Lady & Gentleman beard oils, she had a pair of Hipster roommates that were right upstairs.  The guy had a full man beard and the female didn't shave her legs or armpits, so you KNOW she had a full lady beard going on as well.  I kept going "just go upstairs and ask the roommates to try the beard oils".  And with that, the female roommate comes into the craft room and is like "What's so funny? What are you girls up to?"  So we showed her that we had come up with some beard oils and we were just trying to find the appropriate images for our labels.  It seemed harmless to her, but we were drunk.  So we let her think we just giggly from the wine.

After a few hours of flipping through label images, we chose a Rooster (COCK) as the symbol for the Hitchhiker and a Cat for the Lady Beard Oil.  And Like that, our beard oil brands were born. We found a recipient for our male beard oil, who eventually gave the feedback that our scents were too strong and we needed to tone it down a notch.  We shipped the lady beard oil to my Battle Buddy in Texas and she said her and her "friends" all loved it.  I'm honestly not sure I want to know, but whatever floats their boats.

Since then, I've basically taken over the branding for beard oils.  I've only come up with a second scent of "Lumberjack", which is basically sandalwood, Vetiver and Juniper berry.  I haven't had too much time to put extra through and effort into making additional scents, until I can get the original two scents selling off of my shelves.

You can check out the Lip Crap, with typo, and Lumberjack Gentleman's Beard Oil on my Etsy Page.

The Uncured Ham